October/November 2001 & Spring 2002

Back In The Day, I was normal. Well, definitely a lot more normal and well-mannered than I am now. I don't know why I have apparently gotten more bitter,less respectful and patient, and more likely to be assasinated as time goes on, but that seems to be the case according to everyone else but me.

One possible theory is that my general unfavorability and intolerance is in direct correlation to the amount of friends I have surrounding me at all times, and the amount of positive attention I get from women, both which are both in a direct downward slope, beginning with the year 2001. That was the peak of my "normalcy". I was very well-respected by my peers in high school, and very attractive to several of the girls in my high school's circle. There was once a song by Soundgarden called "The Day I Tried To Live". Well this was the year I actually tried to live.

For those of you who have read the rest of my site, the one thing you can probably ask yourself is "How the fuck is this possible?" It's almost like I'm describing a different person when describing myself back then. That's because I was a different person. That's because then, I actually gave a shit. I got good grades in school, starred in several school plays, was a founding member of my school's track team, had a prestigious internship, and during the summer of 01' at a summer program in DC, I got some kind of award for being the nicest, most sociable, and friendliest kid there, or some shit like that. And most important of all, for a brief while I had what is usually referred to by society as a "girlfriend".

It was late October of 01'. Senior year of high school. The leaves were brown, and there were American flags and candled memorials all over Manhattan, in the post-9/11 period where everyone tried to be all patriotic. One day after school, I got a buzz from downstairs. It was a girl named "Buffy" who hung around my high school circle. She gets her nickname not just by her infatuation with the show of the same name, but by the way she has abused, dominated, and slayed men. She was just getting over a relationship with my classmate "Guerilla", possibly the ugliest kid who ever lived. She was on the rebound and wanted to chill.

I was not too thrilled with the prospect of her coming on to me, because she was as fat as a whale and had a constant aroma that smelled like raw fish. But still I obliged, talking to her for like about 2 hours, before she asked "Can I kiss you". And for the next week, every single day after school, we would sit by the flagpole of my old neighborhood and just make out and stuff. We were pretty much "official" or "exclusive" or whatever the fuck you call it.

Then one day, we got stuck on my rooftop, and nothing would ever be the same. My old apartment complex had a rooftop that was completely locked from the outside. Meaning, when you got up there, you couldn't get out. When I realized this, I panicked, and Buffy saw me at my weakest. She did not like it. I was trapped on the roof with this hideously ugly girl and had no cell phone on me. There's one for the Worst Case Scenario handbook. She took this opportunity to fool around with me up there, but having no idea how i would get off that fucking roof, it was quite "hard" for me to get any more "up" than we already were. Up until this point, our relationship had been easily 50/50- and I had been trying to accomodate her the best I could. But at this instant, she saw a hint of vulnerability in me: something she could jump on, something she could dominate.

Eventually, Buffy used a pair of keys to pick the lock and get us outta the roof, but she did not like what she had seen. I never felt comfortable around this bitch again. From this point on, she became nothing short of a dominatrix, attempting to completely control and take over every facet of my life. But ultimately, she didn't get what she wanted. It just had to end. Boy, would I ever find a solution for it.

I was the one who initiated it. In late November, almost exactly a month after the first kiss, we met for a routine hookup session on the flagpole, when I just came out and said it. "I can't take your shit anymore. This is goodbye". She was just some bitch who thought she could just use me on the rebound. She thought I was too cute and would never break her heart. Wrong!

Being that Buffy knew over half my high school, my relationship was a topic no one would shut up about for that entire month- just the same fucking questions over and over: How is she in bed? How far have you guys gone? Is it weird kissing Guerilla's ex-girlfriend? Blah, blah, blah. I just could not take it anymore. But boy, did Buffy have a bombshell for me, to keep the nonstop stream of gossip going for the rest of the year.

A couple days after my initial breakup, Buffy cornered me after school: "I have a confession to make. The whole time we were 'dating', there was also this 24-year old guy who I was getting with (we were 17 at the time). You just couldn't satisfy me, and I couldn't satisfy you, so let's just pretend this never happened. So I guess I'll see you. Sometime. Maybe. And if not, have a nice life."

OK, hold up a second. Wait a minute, so that whole month I was with Buffy did not even fucking count as a relationship? You have gotta be shitting me. And the sad thing is, this is the most clearly defined "relationship" I have ever had. Fuck you.

That 24-year old guy with whom she picked up the pieces of me shall be named "Angel" after Buffy's eventual love interest on the TV show, and also for the fact that the dude even slightly resembled the actor David Boreanaz. He was a bodybuilder and happened to also serve as a student teacher volunteering AT my school, which possibly led to one of the most embarrasing and ackward classroom moments in the history of high school. As a matter of fact, it may go down as one of the biggest social bombshells that has ever been dropped.

Second semester senior year, I was in an honors math class with Buffy's ex before me, Guerilla. And WHO happened to be the teaching assistant for the class, but Buffy's current BF, Angel. When we were discussing math and course-related material, it was very easy for me to suppress the incredible ackwardness and tension of having three guys in the same room who had dated the same bitch in the past year. That was until the day came.

It was very last month of the school year, and the course was winding down. So the teacher, a very cool guy called "MyNameIsJonas", decided to devote a class session to an open discussion about life and the upcoming excitement and challenges we were about to face during college and beyond. About midway through the course, the topic of relationships came up.

Jonas: One of the most important aspects of the transition from high school to college is the possibility of a long-distance relationship. Now by a show of hands, are any of you guys in a relationship going into college?

I looked around the room, and who happened to be seated directly to me, but Guerilla himself. I sensed a very ackward moment in the classroom, and I seized it. I put my arm around Guerilla, and very strongly and loudly, I proclaimed: "It's not like either of us would know."

The classroom had a couple of seconds of stunned silence after this proclamation. I remember a couple of girls whispering "Did he... did he really just say that". Then, a slow rumble built from the back of the classroom, and slowly, all the guys in the room began a chant of "OOOOHHHHHH". For they all knew damn well what and who I was referring to: the current girlfriend of Angel, who was standing right there in the front, next to the teacher. As the classroom exploded in noise, I looked directly at Angel's face, and he gave me a look of deep scorn and anger. Embarrased and red-faced, I just buried my head into my desk, and kept it there well beyond when all the noise had died down and the moment had long passed. Unfazed, MyNameIsJonas changed the topic to something completely different.

As I attempted to doze off and forget that moment had ever happened, I felt a sympathetic pat on the back. I finally had the courage to look up, and it was Guerilla. He had a huge smile on his face, as he whispered into my ear: "You're damn right she was a bitch". Mocking an album cover from his favorite all-time band Rage Against The Machine, Guerilla put his fist up in the air towards me, and gave me the signal to "tap that rock". Indeed I did, and engaged in one of the more priceless moments of camraderie I have ever had. Even Angel came up to me after class, to tell me that I had "major balls" to do that in front of him, and I even congratulated him on his conquest. All was good.

Just like their counterparts on the TV show, Buffy and Angel are still dating now, so that's that. How he has been able to put up with Buffy for so long is beyond me, but he's a better man than me for it. For me, love life has been nothing but downhill from here. That's because every girl I have even come close to getting into the dreaded "r" word with since Buffy, I have been paranoid in fear of that 30-year old bodybuilder she is fucking on the side and will undoubtedly catch me doing something stupid. Most likely, since it's beyond high school that bodybuilder will not be as nice to me, nor let me off the hook as easy as Angel did. Maybe someday, maybe I will confront this fear and take steps to overcome it. But probably not.