Here's a good one going way back to freshman year of college: I am shooting the shit alone in my dorm room, when suddenly the door slams open and I am ambushed by my roommate "BillBrassky" and my neighbors "C-Rock", "EuroBaller" and "FamGuy"

Famguy: So, we were all talking, and apparently Brassky here claims you were whackin' it in the room at 4 AM last night.

Me: Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

BillBrassky: You definitely were.

Me: Man, don't you have class at 9?

BB: I went out and smoked a cig at 3:30. Heard ya clear as day when I came back.

Me: There's no way.

C-Rock: It's OK man. I mean, there are SO many hot pieces of ass on our floor.

EuroBaller: Go to 1313 man. The lucky number indeed. I spent the night in there last night, with that blonde.

Me: Nice, dude.

C-Rock: So tell us, who were you rubbin one out to?

Me: That's no one's business.

C-Rock: Was it that brunette, your friend from hebrew school? I sure hope not, because she is essentially a dog, bro.

FamGuy: My guess is that monkey on floor 7. I've heard talk that she wants to swing from his vines.

Me: I won't say.

EuroBaller: Your friend is a dog, C-Rock is right. I would throw her a bone though. Maybe. Feed her some wine, put on some Cat Stevens, you know the rest.

BillBrassky: It's OK that you tug it, man. Just try not to do it when I'm in the room anymore, that's fucking gross.

Me: Try my best.

BB: But seriously, jacking off builds up your forearm strength, I have heard. Gonna have a hell of a golf game at the rate you're going.