I am in a crowded sports bar, when this girl comes up to me and asks if I could buy her a drink. I start a conversation with her, and it is going fairly smoothly until the subject of sports comes up

MetsGirl: ...What teams do you follow? You a Mets fan?

Me: Well I like and respect what the Mets are doing. But ultimately, I am a fan of my wallet.

MetsGirl: So, are you a real fan or not. Yes or no? If you're not a true fan, this conversation is over.

Me: This conversation is over when I say it is.

MetsGirl: Are you a fan or not? Because if you're not a true Mets fan, there will be no sexual component to this conversation.

Me: Well I grew up watching the Yankees and Mets, and I really respect and like where the Mets are at. Ultimately though, they're just a team. Teams don't do anything for me personally.

MetsGirl: Then there is no chance of us having sex. Stop talking to me.

Me: What if I was (Mets 3B) David Wright?

MetsGirl: Then I would probably blow you under the table right here, and then take you back to my house in Jersey so we could fuck. Hoboken, bitch!

(Note: no major leaguer in his right mind would ever think to go back to a girl's apartment 20 miles away, in the ugliest and most overrated suburban shithole. Even this girl's friends told me she is absolutely retarded.)

Me: What if I was a major league player for any other team, let's say the Nationals? What if I was Ryan Zimmerman? Then I would still have tons of money, could whisk you away to anywhere in the world you want...

MetsGirl: If you played for any other team I would tell you to fuck off and probably smack you.

Me: I could smack you right now if I wanted to. You are one of the shallowest, most insecure people I have ever talked to. Not worth my time.

MetsGirl: What does that have to do with the Mets?