After a couple of bad experiences in the late-90s, when rave and underground techno culture was prominent in American society, I swore that I would never again attend a techno concert. However, upon walking down Miami Beach recently, I stumbled upon a huge one at the pool of one of the beachside hotels. Sensing some great material, I walked into the rave unsolicited, and stumbled upon this little gem:

Zonked Dude: Amazing party man, this DJ is the best! WOO HOO!

Me: I guess so, even tho every song he's played for the last 30 minutes is exactly the same.

Zonked Dude: Who freakin' cares, man. Anyway man, you wouldn't happen to have any E, would you? Me and my buddies have been on a day-long quest to find a hook-up.

Me: Umm, no, and even if I had some, I wouldn't bother giving it to you

Zonked Dude: OK, thanks man.

Me: Wait a second come back here... what would you do for me if let's say I gave you your E hookup?

Zonked Dude: I would give you a big kiss and you would be my hero, man.

Me: Um, I don't exactly roll like that, if you know what I'm saying.

Zonked Dude: I know you're lying man, I see the look on your face. I know you got that groovy E. Listen man, we have some bomb-ass acid up in our hotel room. You wanna throw down with us?

(Wait for it...)

Me: I would rather eat out a pig's ass.

Zonked Dude: Pigs are groovy, man. You ever seen Animals, by Pink Floyd live?

Me: This conversation is over.

Zonked Dude: Wait a minute, dude. I wanted to inject some Floyd into your bloodstream. I got needles, man... Wait, man.

And just like that, I am gone. I had already "waited" light years longer than I should have.